Growing up in an abusive family, where physical punishment was routine, and verbal assaults were part of the conversation, I developed a deep need for freedom. In my teen years, when many girls are dreaming of being kissed by boys, I was dreaming about running away from home, freeing myself from the constant oppression.
Despite my fantasies and well planned escapes, it was only when I finished University that I could move away. I took a job 7 hours away by train from my parents’ house. Later, I immigrated to Canada, thinking that if I put an ocean between me and them, I could escape the influences of my childhood. I would finally be free!
I did not find the freedom I was seeking. Unbeknownst to me, I carried all the chains with me. All the bad words and the ugly labels were engraved in my memory. The wounds of the physical beating still burned my flesh. Ropes of guilt tied my hands behind my back and shame drowned my true voice.
I had been separated from my childhood home for 18 years. After finishing university, I set out into the world with one mission – I desperately wanted to prove that I was good enough. Today, when I think about this, my heart melts with compassion for my struggles, my agitation, my anger, my resentment, and my exhaustion. Life is so hard when you feel alone against it all.
Then, in 2010, the unimaginable happened. My worst fear confronted me! It screamed in my face! It was right there, in black and white! My worst fear was of being told that I wasn’t good enough. That day, I realized that for me to become truly free, I needed to stand by who I am. That day, I realized that I needed to go deep inside myself and undo all that had been done to me, to shine the light of understanding in all the dark corners of my subconscious mind, to cut the heavy ties and tend to my deep wounds.
Becoming Truly Free is a blossoming of our Authentic Self from the inside, becoming who we were meant to be in the first place. This is only possible once we create space by disposing of all of the garbage left there by other people.
Becoming Truly Free is not an event, it’s a journey. We must travel back in time, correct the missed turns, and untangle ourselves from the mesh of confusion. When we take the light of Spirit with us, to help us see the path, we can discover another perspective. We will then awaken to the perfection of life, to our purpose. And finally, we will be free. Truly free! We will finally walk in peace, sleep in peace and interact with others in peaceful ways.
Irina is working on publishing her book “Becoming Truly Free” by sometime in October. If you have suffered from abuse, trauma or feelings of unworthiness join her book FB group. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, learn from her writing and publishing process and participate in complementary Q&A Coaching Sessions. Click here to request to join https://www.facebook.com/groups/BecomingTrulyFree/