This is what one of my clients presented as the topic to work on for her private session:
“There have been times in my life when I have had a lot of hunger for what I wanted. I called it my “fire”. It was internal and I could actually feel it burning in my chest. How do I get that feeling back for all of the endeavors I have now? I feel I am motivated, and I know what I want to do. It’s just that sometimes I feel overwhelmed. My motivation is not “fire” level anymore and that’s what I want back. I’ve always performed my best, have taken the most chances, and been the least afraid when I had that fire. How do I ignite that again?”
As we started our discussion, my client discovered that her “fire” was fueled by her anger and her need to prove something.
You see, this story is not only about my client. I too had the same fire fueled by the same two dragons: anger and needing to prove myself.
Fire is useful for fueling achievements for some time, but what I’ve discovered is that it is not sustainable for a long happy, peaceful, and accomplished life. Fire is like a drug: you get a high but you crash hard afterwards. I’ve run on that fire for years, and I almost burned out at the end of my corporate career. My client ran into a depression after such fire achievements.
We know anger and the need to prove oneself are not positive emotions. How do we get the fire then? How can we be motivated by love to achieve great things? I have three ideas on this that I want to share with you.
1) Finding balance
The first distinction is that fire is associated with action. It’s about gaining something, fighting for something. Fire is a masculine energy. It uses fuel, and this is why it leads to burning out. To be enlightened, we need to find balance between the masculine and the feminine, between the yin and yang, between the outpour of energy and the receptivity of love. Openness and creativity are feminine energies. They provide the balance between the giving and receiving, the ebb and the flow.
Meditation does not need fire but it is an important activity that helps us manifest our desired life. It helps us visualize and work in conjunction with the universe to progress on our path.
When we work hard only from the fire side that is when we wrongly believe that everything is created by action alone. We accept the limiting belief that if we want something we have to work hard to get it – we have to fight for it. This belief does not take into consideration the unseen forces of the universe that support aligned action. This mindset is missing the guidance and flow that we can have when we surrender.
Don’t get me wrong: we need some fire. There are times when we can fall into complacence, meditating and being laid back. The fire is needed to push us forward. One without the other is not good, either.
The fire my client and I experienced at an earlier age did not allow for emotions to be felt. It was a time of hardening in order to stay strong. That power is a roaring power. Although it looks like the mighty lion on the outside, on the inside it is a trembling mouse.
A quiet power is what I recommend. It does not scare the onlooker and you are not scared inside. There is much more strength in quiet power.
I say dance with the universe instead of fighting with it. You do need to move your feet and take action, but at the same time, you need to hear the music and feel the guidance. Sometimes you dance tango, sometimes quickstep, and sometimes slow blues.
2) Refueling with purpose
Since fire is a necessity, we need to find a better way to fuel it. What will motivate us to jump out of the bed in the morning and take the necessary actions?
My client asked me: How do I feel the drive to get up and produce?
Instead of using anger, how about using purpose? Purpose you say? This sounds so idealistic! Where is the fuel? How can purpose replace the power of anger? Well, you will need to connect really, really deep with your purpose to turn it into fire.
How is purpose created? In the first place, purpose comes from a place of pain and longing. This can lead to anger. As we progress on our spiritual path and heal, we discover the desire to help other people not suffer like we once did. So you see, the anger is transmuted into purpose.
My pain as a child was the abuse I suffered from my parents as a result of their unhappiness. Now I coach people to find peace, helping them let go of suffering. As a result, letting go of my pain – and helping others do the same – is my fuel.
Not very long ago, I connected at an even deeper level with my desire to help abused children. My vision is to start a foundation to provide free horse therapy to abused children who need to heal. You see, I was lucky that I found my way in life but others are not so lucky. Some are lost and need help.
In a recent session with my intuitive healer, I clearly saw this vision of abused children coming here on my land and bonding with horses. This helped heal the deep pain of their childhoods and find some hope and peace in their lives.
When my healer asked me to describe the face of those children, I started crying uncontrollably. It was a deep cry as if I gathered all their pain and was trying to wash it away with my tears. I saw rows and rows of those lost souls, innocent children who need help. My help. This is fire people, my fire.
I’m committed to see this vision manifest. For this to happen, I need to step out:I need to grow my business; I need to grow my team; I need to grow my net worth so I can establish the foundation, buy the horses, hire therapists, or learn the trade myself.
You get it: I need to move. I need to take action. I need to be determined and focused. I need to be daring and bold. This is purpose and it’s a much better fuel than anger. Those kids need me to show up for them.
3) Believing we are worthy
We found a way to replace anger, but we still are to replace the need to prove ourselves to others. The need to prove ourselves comes from the erroneous belief that we are not good enough; therefore, we need to prove that we are. If you knew it in your bones that you are worthy, that you are good enough, then what is there to prove? Nothing. Does that means there is no fire? No.
When we know we are worthy, deserving, and good exactly as we are, we can activate self-love and achieve things because we want to give ourselves a good life.
I once met a taxi driver who had 5 kids. He was happy and loved his big family. I asked him: How do you live off a taxi driver’s income and say you are happy? He said that he sat down his wife early on in their marriage and together they decided that they would do whatever it takes to assure a great future for their kids. He wanted as many kids as he has. He wanted all the love. In exchange, he worked, saved, and did whatever it took for his kids to have everything they needed. That is love in action.
The same goes for us: can we take the actions that we need to take to give ourselves the life we dream about? What if you feel you already have enough? What is enough? I feel that until you have achieved all of your dreams, there is more for you to explore, more for you to have, more for you to build.
I read the other day that you start being old when you trade your dreams for regrets. As long as you have dreams you are young, powerful, fiery, motivated.
Go for it! Push the limits of what you think is possible for you to achieve.
By doing so, you will show yourself love. How do you feel about a parent that stops the training of her talented kid after she won the school tournament instead of going on to the country trials? What if that kid is meant for the Olympics? Who is she to decide when to stop? I say don’t ever stop.
You can always aspire for more. Edison did not stop, Mother Theresa did not stop, Einstein did not stop, Leonardo Davinci did not stop. None of the greats stopped. Why would you? You are just as worthy as them of achieving your dreams.
Here’s to love.
This is what my client wrote after her session.
“I just had my private call with Irina and wanted to share my thoughts. First, we noted how much I've changed in the past 7-8 months and how much more authentic I've become as a whole. This isn't something I think about regularly in my day-to-day life, but it's very true. And now that I'm examining the metamorphosis, I don't even recognize July 2018 Amanda. She's a bit of a stranger at the moment. And it's not that I didn't like her. I did like her. But I didn't love her. Not in the way that when you love someone, you move heaven and earth to make them happy. Not in the way that when you love someone, you give them unconditional love. Not in the way that when you love someone, you forgive them when they do something wrong or make a bad decision. Learning to love myself is the most cliché thing that has ever happened to me and yet also the most profound.
I've learned to love myself where I stop punishing myself for mistakes I've made. I've learned to love myself where I acknowledge both my strengths and my pain. I've learned to love myself where I don't demand that I perform at 100% every day. I've learned to love myself where I no longer accept certain treatment from people. Oh hell... from men. I'll just say it: I've learned to love myself enough that I no longer accept certain treatment from men. I've learned to love myself enough to release shame and guilt about a lot of things that I felt guilty and shameful about, recognizing that I've always done what I thought was right, and with the knowledge and awareness that I had in the moment. But I'm not done.
I'm currently learning to love myself enough that the sole act of loving myself is enough of a reason to succeed. You see, there were always ‘other’ reasons to succeed: helping my parents and making them proud, being on par with my siblings (both successful by traditional standards), proving something to myself and the world, anger (towards someone who knocked me down), for appearances sake (looking good to the outward world), and so on and so forth. But what about succeeding simply because I love myself enough to feel that I deserve it? Hmmm.... what a concept. A hard one frankly and one that will require more work.
I'm not completely there yet, but I'm getting there. I've always wanted to fall in love. If you ask me about my relationships, I'll tell you I've never officially been in love. Shocking for someone who is almost 40 years old (yes, 40!!!... I know, I look good, right?). But I'm looking forward to this love. I've asked God throughout my entire adult life to send me the truest, deepest, most purest love, and I think I'm finally going to experience it. I just never thought that the love would be for myself ❤.”
I hope this inspires you. I hope it ignites the fire in you, the desire to do well just because you love yourself and because you want to help others not suffer as you once did.